How to organise a perfect gay wedding

Gaydar Blog

Gaydar Blog
02 June 2024

Not everyone wants to get married – whether you’re single or not, marriage isn’t some kind of aspirational goal. But, if you’ve decided to head down that path then you’ll quickly realise that a wedding takes a fair bit of planning and organising.

The budget

Before your both start creating vision boards and pitching over-the-top ideas, there is one crucial element to take into account — the budget.

Even if you’re going to keep it simple, having a fairly clear idea of what you’re prepared to spend on this event is a fairly important starting point.

Having a clear budget will make your decision-making a bit easier.

Weddings can quickly get expensive, and things will generally cost more than you imagined.

The venue

Finding a venue that works for your wedding may be a big factor in the date that you choose for your celebration. It’s also likely to be a major chunk of your budget, so locking in the venue for your wedding is one of the top priorities.

Think about what type of experience you want to give your guests – will it be indoors or outdoors, formal or informal, a seating plan or a bit more relaxed?

When you’re looking at venue options, think about how much decoration you want to do. Also think about music – will there be a band or a DJ? What sort of kit will that require?

Venues that are used to doing weddings will generally come with everything you need and can be a bit less hassle, but they’re inevitably going to be a bit more generic. More unique venues or locations will take a bit more organising.

The guest-list

Having an idea of how many people you want at the wedding will be a factor in shaping your venue choice.

You then need to figure out who you want to have there.

If your family are chipping in with some money to cover the costs, they might expect some input as to who should be invited. You also need to try and get some balance so that the guest-list isn’t too one-sided one way of the other.

Try and avoid inviting anyone that you don’t know. Try and avoid inviting anyone that you don’t like.

You want this to be a day filled with joy and good memories – try and opt for people who are going to help make that happen.

The paperwork

Wherever you are in the world, there’s going to be some rules that you need to follow in order to ensure that you’re officially married.

There’s probably going to be some sort of marriage licence process, and there’ll be some rules on who can officiate your wedding ceremony.

Research all of this to know which boxes you need to tick during your planning process.

The outfits

What are you going to wear? Are you going to be matching or complementary? Will you be wearing something that you already own, or do you need to buy something new or get something made?

Don’t underestimate the time it takes to get something made. Start brainstorming your ideas and options early.

The memories

You might not want a photographer or a videograher documenting every moment of your wedding day, but you’re probably going to at least want a few photos that capture the emotion of the event.

Even if you’re getting one of your friends to do it, make sure there is a nominated photographer and that you’re clear with each other what photos you want to get.

Do you need to allocate some time to photos, or will they just be candid shots as things happen?

The diplomacy

Remember, this is a day that is all about you and your partner – a day that you want to share together and both enjoy. That means that you’ve both got to be on board with the wedding planning.

Inevitably, there’s going to be some differing points of view and some disagreements. You’re going to have to make some compromises.

If you’re struggling to resolve issues, then think about using a counsellor to help your communication as a couple. Think of it as good practice for the life that you’re building together

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Comments (23)

  1. Avatar Eddie says:

    been putting up with this stuff for decades and like the authour says.. was I supposed to feel grateful? I didn’t fancy them anyway..

  2. Avatar Eddie says:

    Still, on the other hand there was that feeling I’m fancied so I’m validated.. but isn’t that just a self esteem issue? We all need to think these things over.

  3. Avatar Heaton69 says:

    I used to wear a Kilt when going out.. Why is it funny when a group of women decided to:
    a] Put their hands up inside the kilt
    b] Think its funny lifting the kilt up so that everyone can see what ‘Your packing’ so to speak. If you did this to a woman you would be on a sex offenders list and in jail with a sex crime record for assaulting a woman.. Is it double standards?

    • Avatar Ni Neu says:

      I cannot disagree less with you!! Inverted sexism is applauded and not only we need to yield to abussive females, but even being grateful for that. Paraphrasing the opera aria “La donna e movile cual piuma al vento”, I mean their feminist thoughts about what seemed “natural” about men’s behaviour in the ye olde clubbing times are not applied to nowadays ” me too” vixens

  4. Avatar Mark says:

    We’re in danger of getting a bit precious here, I’ve had guys grab my crotch or try to stick their tongue down my throat when I certainly didn’t want it on a couple of occasions, yes it’s unnecessary, sometimes unpleasant and not to be encouraged, but if they’re going to be so forward there’s no reason to feel bad about rebuffing them sharply, firmly and usually that’ll be enough. If they still persist then there’s a genuine problem and possibly the owners of the establishment should require them to desist or leave. Gay bars and nightclubs aren’t Tesco, they are always going to be much more sexualized environments, if people don’t want that or to deal with it there are alternative options for socializing.

    • Avatar sam says:

      errrrr NO mark…. people should be able to go out and NOT have to deal with that stuff. The people who feel the need to grab and grope should be the ones to go someweere else! Like a brothel . Your just another one of these men who dont understand boundaries and the laws regarding the right to not be touched. Gay bars are NOT exempt!! Maybe your one of the guys who want to be able to grope before introducing yourself and asking to cop a feel before actually doing it!
      Just because its a GAY BAR…it doesnt mean we shoud accept that behaviour, WE DONT HAVE TO and its NOT those who dont want to accept this behaviour that should socialise elsewhere. You have no idea how WRONG you are LOL

      • Avatar Mark says:

        No, I’m not one of those guys who wants to, or has ever touched anyone before introducing myself. Other guys have done it to me, I haven’t liked it, but neither have I been so pathetic or precious as to run screaming into the corner or to the management, or believe there should be some kind of law to protect me from it. Depending on the way it’s done I form an opinion (probably negative if it’s unwanted and out of the blue) about the person and rebuff them with whatever strength is required to leave them in doubt it’s unwanted and should stop, as it always has. If genuine assault occurs, which this isn’t then the management should be informed. You are always going to get horny guys in gay bars and nightclubs, sometimes it’s nice to know someone finds you attractive, if people are so precious they can’t deal with it don’t go.

        • Avatar Eddie says:

          I think Mark makes a valid point, these can be hyper-sexualised environments with dark rooms, alcohol flowing and all sorts of high spirits happening, so is it any wonder *some* people, especially the young, can get carried away and lose sight of what’s appropriate.. in an arena of what could easily be construed as mixed-messages? Uninvited groping or close physical contact is never ok, of course it isn’t.. but I think it really depends on the strength of your personality how you handle these situations. A firm rebuff will send most packing – problem over. Persistancy though is bullying/harrasment and is quite another matter. Strangely as Heaton mentioned, it’s often been women in straight pubs who did it.. (I don’t think many gay men fancy me anyway lol!)

        • Avatar Ni Neu says:

          Mark, do you buy Health&Life insurance to cash the policy or to NOT needing the use the insurance? Who the hell are you to insinuate that denouncing ABUSE is hysterically sissi? Once I have been abused I do not care about the management, nor the police; I DIDN’T GO CLUBBING TO REPORT HAVING BEEN ABUSED, I WANTED JUST CLUBBING

          • Avatar Mark says:

            NI NEU, just to be clear I don’t want or expect bars or clubs to be like saunas or darkrooms, neither of which have ever been my thing in any case, but neither do I expect them to be a completely non sexual atmosphere like a supermarket. I don’t believe some slightly drunk (or maybe not) guy occasionally groping someone in a bar or club constitutes abuse, to say it does diminishes the seriousness of genuine abuse/rape and insults those who’ve experienced it. It should be classed as a nuisance, those who who refuse to take notice of a reprimand for groping should be expelled, and those who experience it should be less precious, grow up a bit, throw it off, it’s not a life changing trauma or physical harm as is genuine abuse.

      • Avatar Tuca says:

        Not even brothels, Sam. Even at saunas, I hated when a guy would just come up and start caressing me without any eye contact. Even at those places where you’re expecting sex, people need to understand consent as well

    • Avatar Ni Neu says:

      “if people don’t want that or to deal with it there are alternative options for socializing.” Do you, Mark, mean FOR THE ABUSERS or for the ABUSED?
      Gay CLUBS are CLUBS where NORMAL PEOPLE go CLUBBING, Mark. If YOU or your likes long for FURTIVE UNSOLICITED ENCOUNTERS head yourselves to a DARK SAUNA ROOM. Neither at Tesco’s, NOR at so called Str8 CLUBS that PREDATIVE attitude shall be tolerated.

  5. Avatar Duncan says:

    I was raped in the Comptons a good few years back when i was new to the scene. I was followed into the cubicle by a guy who locked the door behind me and fucked me. He then left. I was the norm at the time. I do not go there anymore.

    • Avatar Gaydar Insider says:

      Hi Duncan. Thank you for being brave enough to share this story. We’d urge anyone who experiences anything similar to what happened to you to report it to the police as soon as possible.

  6. Avatar Ricky Moore-Daniels says:

    that’s because most of us gay poofs hang out at the clubs where pawing is the norm ^^ y’all stay Fresh!

  7. Avatar Mark says:

    Exactly, it’s only happened to me a few times over many years, I’m not so attractive many people would be inclined to grope me anyway, but when it did I was mildly flattered, took it in good humour while letting the person know I wasn’t interested and it stopped as it will in 99% of cases which can be left at that.

  8. Avatar Brian Shea says:

    I’ve always called this the “Gay Greeting”; instead of a handshake, you get grabbed in the crotch or the ass! I had a guy once, at work(it was a gay bar and grill BTW) stick his fingers up my butt as we were ascending the stairs. What gets me, is that if you object, even with a “What the hell are you doing!?!” kind of look, or say something, they act like you are odd and have a problem. Like “What they hell is wrong with you!?!”

  9. Avatar Ross says:

    Not sure why the author of the article uses the all-inclusive “we’ve all experienced …”? I’ve never been touched up in a club or pub (saunas, yes), chance would be a fine thing for older guy like me! What this really demonstrates is a bias towards younger people’s experiences, that gay equals youth, an incomprehension that there may be (heaven forbid!) OLDER gay people! If somebody touched me up, I’d judge the touching in its context (who, where, how, how hard, etc) & react accordingly. If I didn’t like it, I’d say so politely. I do not understand why men feel they have no agency in these matters.

  10. Avatar FERRARA ROSARIO says:

    TOO CONFUSING ARTICLE… even if “overpushing”, a proposal is still just a proposal, not a sexual act…
    Of course consent is necessary since the “second step” of a relationship, but is to be supposed in the “first step”…
    There are many gay places, real or virtual, where to meet up, and different ways to approach.. but the only UNPOSSIBLE THING IS that a man enters a social or a pub not to have any form of contact…
    So, in certain cases and locations, everyone may freely touch me to approach me, but have the same way the must to respect my “stop it” if i say it…
    Cheers all from sicily!

  11. Avatar paul says:

    I think people are making too much of this issue. we live in politically correct days, so touching anyone up is unacceptable now. wish we were back in the 1970s when I was young and everyone had so much more fun.

  12. Avatar Andy says:

    The following analogy is incorrect:-

    “Yes, gay clubs are highly-sexualised environments, there’s no denying that. But being in one doesn’t justify these unwanted sexual advances. You wouldn’t accept a guy grabbing your dick while you’re buying a meal deal at Tesco, and you don’t have to accept it when you’re a few drinks down and getting your life to a Britney deep-cut. ”

    The gay clubs are specifically gay clubs so you have to expect that sort of thing but not from the opposite sex! After all, if it was not to be expected then drop the monicker “gay” which related specifically to both sex and same sex.

    Regarding Tesco’s that is way off the mark. Gay clubs are where you go to meet other men because of both their sexuality and gender and yours with a potential sexual overtone. Tesco’s is where you go for the goods which are and you want to see if the goods appeal and that often includes touching it. In gay clubs you go for the men and as in Tesco’s you might want to see it or feel it to see if it meets your satisfaction. If somebody gropes you then what if he doesn’t? He might insist on you showing your tackle before going with you or worse still be polite and get off with you for a complete waste of time and travel when you both get undressed at his place or yours and he makes his excuses. Given the choice between a quick exploratory grope from someone or wasting over two hours on night buses for a false hope I know which one I would rather suffer.


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