Ah yes, we have all been there. Crying into our oversized tubs of ice cream while watching soppy rom-coms that make us scream at the TV “What’s the point anyway it’s all rubbish? Boo love, boo.” However there are some clever and rational ways to help you get over your ex, even when you’re feeling most irrational.
DO reach for the comfort food, especially chocolate. Yes, oh yes. This is your free pass to do just that. Chocolate releases the same endorphins as sex does to create a feeling of happiness and relief so as long as you don’t devour an entire Cadbury’s factory worth of choccie, indulging yourself with that family size bar of Galaxy may just help the pain, temporarily at least.
Surround yourself with friends, even the ones in happy relationships but while the wound is fresh, single friends will help you forget whatshisname for sure. Whether it’s in the form of a night in with plenty of red wine or a night out at a club you wouldn’t usually be caught dead in, friends are the light and the way.
DON’T go to the same bars/clubs as your ex. We already know the gay world is like that Disney ride. It is a small world after all. You know you will probably bump into your ex there because chances are, he’s probably trying to do the same as you! What might be even worse is if you see your ex there chatting another guy up. Save yourself the trouble and potential heartache and for the first month or so, steer clear of the places you know you will find him.
Don’t stalk him on social media. Yes, it’s irrational. Yes we know that and you know that too. We all know it’s such a huge temptation, but seriously it’s only damaging you. You are more than likely to come across a status along the lines of “Having more fun than I have done in a long time” or “So crazy when you look back at a time in your life and see how poisonous it was.” Chances are your ex is just saying these things to cover up his own sadness and these kinds of status updates aren’t even true. But either way, they hurt to see. Also, seeing him in a picture with that new boyfriend for the first time is like being stabbed in the heart, so don’t seek it out.
Accept that you are going to talk about the break-up to people and that it’s OK. Some people might get bored quickly of you talking about your ex, but if they are good friends, they should understand that it’s clearly just part of your personal healing process and it’s totally fine. Don’t beat yourself up about it either. I know people who have spoken about their ex for three years after the breakup. Making them feel bad isn’t the way to go about helping them move on, especially when you would want people to listen to you when you go through the same experience.
Funny videos on Youtube are like a lifeline. We know that video of the panda sneezing is old news now but it’s just so funny.
Those TV boxsets of Queer as Folk and the Big Bang Theory that are getting dusty could use some love right about now, and watching them three times in a row is perfectly OK too.
Don’t feel bad when you do start to feel happy again or if you feel ready to start dating again. We know a bunch of people who feel guilty about this kind of thing. Life is short. Move on when you feel the time is right. Don’t wait because you think other people will judge you for doing so.
Gaydar can be a great space to help you get over your ex. Chatting to new people and making new friends always helps.