Friends with Benefits. We've all seen the film right? Justin Timberlake *swoon* and Mila Kunis. If you haven't seen it, we won't tell you what happens and spoil the ending... But what it does show is that the whole “Friends with Benefits” scenario can be a tricky one...
And just to iron out any confusion before we start, the 'benefits' part of what we're talking about here is SEX! (capitals for emphasis).
When you're not in a relationship, through choice or not, and want to satisfy your sexual urges and need for intimate contact, the 'friends with benefits' idea can be quite attractive... Some of us are happy to meet different guys when we feel like it, but there are others who prefer to stick to just the one, yet he is NOT a boyfriend and you are NOT dating. Enter your friend who provides the benefits!
The arrangement or 'contract' (sounds formal) that you make with your buddy is that all emotions are off the table. This is a pure physical thing, strictly body on body contact where sex potentially has no limits. And as it's your friend, you already know him which can put you at ease.
There's no feeling of anxiety (well maybe the first time), no stress, and when you feel like it, you can have it! It sounds like an ideal agreement. You get want you want in the bedroom, yet are free to flirt or chat to whoever you choose to your hearts content. No one gets jealous!
BUT (and there's always a 'but') what if 'the feelings' creep into the whole situation? What if the rules are broken?
The whole friends with benefits can be a confusing situation and here's why...
He's your friend for a reason.
- You like him
- You get on like a house on fire
- You make each other laugh
- You trust him
- You have great banter
And above all, like we all do with our friends, you care for him.
It doesn't matter how much exactly. There is some emotional attachment there. So guess what? You've already broken your first rule.
Truth is that most of us don't even know we're doing it. That's because often or not, we actually don't realize the feelings we have for our friends or at least we don't talk about them. We're not saying you fancy all of your friends. But your friends, ones who you may enter into this 'agreement' with, there will be an existing connection. The question is, what then happens to that connection?
Sex can be a powerful thing, and when you get intimate with a friend, can actually open up all kinds of doors that you didn't know existed. Doors that lead to different emotions, feelings and thoughts. It could lead to the start of something that you never wanted to happen.